I was taking a bath earlier and praying about what to write about on the blog and it just came to me - clear as day - TRISTEN! Tristen is my 7.5 year old stepdaughter. She's the oldest of our three. She turned five years old one week after Joe and I started dating. She and I don't always see eye to eye and we butt heads alot. See, she has a very strong personality and is very opinionated. She really believes that I should consider her opinions-on anything and everything! Really. In a way, this is one of her best qualities and in a way, her worst. I'm in a constant battle with her:
"Tristen, I do not need your opinion on what I'm going to eat tonight."
"Tristen, I do not need your opinion on whether or not I should wash the dishes now or later."
etc. etc. etc.....
I just want to yell "JUST BE A KID!!!"
See, she hasn't always had it easy. Her mom and dad got divorced when she was a year old and her dad (my husband) has had sole custody of her since then. Her mom has been in and out of her life and this has really confused Tristen. Her dad worked alot the first year he had her alone and she stayed with various relatives. He did the best he possibly knew how to do. He didn't feel like he had time for her to be a baby, so in alot of ways, he pushed her to grow up, perhaps a little too fast. I believe that she's not always sure how to react to situations because of this. Sometimes, she is SUCH a kid about things and other times, very grown up. She has told me before with a very straight face that if I were to leave her dad and move out that they would be fine. She said it with basically no emotion. And that really hurt me. She broke my heart that day. Did I mean nothing to her? I guess I had a bit of a childish reaction. I told myself that I wasn't going to allow myself to be hurt by a little six year old girl. I was just going to shut myself out from forming any bond with her. I was just going to co-exist.
Nope. Not the right answer. Ehhhhh. Wrong answer. After muuuuuch soul searching and praying, I came to the conclusion that I love my husband very much and I love my daughters very much and even if I was scared of Tristen hurting me, she really needs me. She needs a mom. Her walls that she had up blocking me out were just defense mechanisms so that she wouldn't have to be hurt over losing someone else, another mom. And in the last six or so months, our relationship is really getting better. She sees that I'm not. going. anywhere! I'm in for the long haul.
I want her to know that I love her. I want her to know that I'll always be there for her. I want her to read this when she's older and realize that everything that I'm doing for her is because she deserves it. She's worth the crying and screaming and yelling. (I'm the one doing all of those things. HAHA!) She is worth someone sticking around and loving her for who she truly is. It's not always easy, but the best things in life don't come without a cost.
She's a bright, smiley, loving, compassionate girl who LOVES digging in the garden for shiny rocks and slimy bugs. She loves to cook. She's really getting into reading books. She's very interested in coming to mass with me and is getting really good at learning her prayers. She makes a friend everywhere she goes and is a great big sister. Here are a couple pictures of her that I'd like to share.
I love you and I'm very proud of you!
Miss Bianca/Mama (depending on your mood lol)