Monday, August 10, 2009

Thinking about things

On a message board that I frequent (hey bggb!), we were posting about being a parent of a special needs child. It's obviously not for everyone. Before Joe and I were married, we talked about having another baby one day. I had a feeling about how our baby would be, but I didn't want to tell him because I was worried that he would think I was weird or silly. I ended up talking about it with my mom. I told her that I felt if Joe and I would have a baby together that something would be wrong with the baby, that the baby would be different. It didn't necessarily scare me to not want a baby with the man I was going to marry, however. It was so much on my mind that I felt the need to tell Joe, so I did. He kind of looked at me like 'huh?' and arched one eyebrow. I didn't make a big deal about it and never mentioned it again until many months later. May 20, 2008 to be exact. That was the day that we found out that we were having baby girl #3 and that she had a heart defect. The previous week, my routine bloodwork had come back with an elevated risk for Down Syndrome, so at this ultrasound he was looking for specific markers which could indicate a higher/lower risk for Trisomy 21. He found that she had a short nasal bone which was a pretty positive indication for a chromosomal abnormality. He insisted that we have an amnio, but we opted out of that due to the risk for miscarriage. It wouldn't change anything. It wouldn't make her heart defect go away or change anything about her. We wanted her no matter what.

Joe brought up what I said many months earlier and strangely enough, it brought me more of a sense of peace rather than sadness. 3.5 months later when our precious girl came into this world in the middle of a hurricane (I had to be cleaned up while Joe held a flashlight for the nurse!), I felt completely validated in how I felt. I felt like Linden was always supposed to be here, with me. I felt like I had been chosen to be her mother long before she was even conceived. God is always in control. He sees the past, the present, and the future. He knew everything that was going to happen to Linden thus far. He knew that she would touch people. Linden may not always fit perfectly in this world, but she wasn't created for this world. I truly believe that she was sent to us so that God could perform this miracle and show us that He's still here. He still loves us.

We're seeing the cardiologist tomorrow morning for the first time since Boston. Please pray with us for continued good news.

Something nice to read is The Creed of Babies with Down Syndrome. (I do not know who the author is.)
My face may be different
But my feelings the same
I laugh and I cry
And I take pride in my gains
I was sent here among you
To teach you to love
As God in the heavens
Looks down from above
To Him I'm no different
His love knows no bounds
It's those here among you
In cities and towns
That judge me by standards
That man has imparted
But this family I've chosen
Will help me get started
For I'm one of the children
So special and few
That came here to learn
The same lessons as you
That love is acceptance
It must come from the heart
We all have the same purpose
Though not the same start
The Lord gave me life
To live and embrace
And I'll do it as you do
But at my own pace


1 comment:

  1. I follow your post because I used to work with children with special needs and I have always had a heart for children with Down Syndrome. I think Linden is the most adorable, beautiful baby and you are truly blessed by God. He chooses the strong and the loving to bless them with such a gift. I too have always had that feeling I would have a child.. specifically with Down Syndrome and it doesn't scare me because I know that I would love that baby endlessly. I loved reading your take on everything, thank you for sharing!